The Burke Learning Center

Position the Internet access point in a high traffic area and establish parental controls.

1. How to know, in complete and accurate detail, what your children do and view online    
2. How to react after viewing your child's actual online behavior
3. How to take advantage of parental controls that are YOURS for the asking
4. How to install a FREE Internet filter
5. How to find your child (and your child’s friends) on MySpace.com
6. How to use the free logging/recording capabilities that are built-in to AOL’s Instant Messenger
7. How to know as much as your kid knows about toothing, iPods, camera phones, and more
8. How to report a cybercrime
9. How to read Instant Message abbreviations

• You can make a huge difference in how your teen perceives him or herself by accepting and affirming him or her, fostering independence and autonomy, and helping to instill confidence.
• Show your acceptance by being physically and emotionally available. Hug your child every day and regularly say, “I love you.” Do this privately if your child is older and uncomfortable with affection in front of friends.³
• Give your child your undivided attention when he wants to talk.³
• Do your best to attend activities or events, and schedule specific mealtimes, particularly if a busy work schedule or a family issue is cutting into the time you spend together.³
• Be emotionally present by allowing your teen to openly express feelings and then accept those feelings without judgment. Help her to process those feelings before offering your own perception. And use “I” statements to share your own feelings.¬¬3
• Support independence by allowing your teen to make her own decisions, as long as she follows established guidelines and principles. Even if you disagree, respect her opinions and encourage her to express them. She needs to learn self-awareness by problem-solving and figuring out consequences on her own. Let her have the space to discover what gives her life meaning and purpose, apart from your own viewpoint. Also, respect her physical privacy, by letting her retreat to the safe haven of her bedroom. Show you trust her by respecting the privacy of her phone conversations and e-mails. Prove your own trustworthiness, by keeping your promises.

Help your teen feel confident by letting him know it’s normal to make mistakes, and that we can learn from them. Share some of your own mistakes. Teach your teen basic life skills, like cooking and cleaning. Let him take on responsibilities and tasks without constantly checking up on his progress. Expose him to volunteer opportunities — helping others often makes people feel better about themselves. Let your teen choose activities that match his unique interests or talents, rather than forcing your interests on him. Assure your child that, while being different can certainly be difficult during adolescence, it’s a valued trait to have as an adult. Avoid comparing him to siblings or classmates. Don’t yell or speak harshly when correcting behavior. And make sure you praise and offer feedback not just for positive behavior and actions, but also for effort.

Loneliness and insecurity may lead to low self-esteem (and vice-versa), so feeling accepted and loved by family, friends and groups, such as sports teams or religious organizations, is key. Teach your family members to trust each other, believe in each other and stick up for one another, while respecting each member’s individual differences. Spend time together, show affection and encourage strengths rather than criticizing weaknesses. Your child’s sense of self is created and continues to develop at home, so establish a supportive, nurturing, positive environment. Your teen looks to you for validation and approval — and nobody will ever love your child the way you do. So help him or her become the best person possible.